Wait, so this is it?

I am for sure one of those people who is never truly satisfied with what they have. Honestly, most often I don’t really see it as a problem. It often is disguised as ambition, or being eager and motivated to move on to the next thing life holds for my family…a new house, vehicles, or even a better living room or bedroom suite. Sometimes it’s a more self-centered dissatisfaction – wishing my stomach was flat and free of stretch marks, my skin was tan or that I had a new wardrobe to accompany every change of season. Sometimes it’s more of an impatience for what could be in my future. A college education, for example.

I felt very convicted about this at church this morning. I’m in a constant state of “what’s next?” – decorating my house, getting James involved in sports, the arrival of our sweet baby girl, buying a new van or SUV, and even thoughts about the things I want our next house to have (years from now, obviously).

Why do I waste so much time worrying about the “what’s next?” when God has provided me with countless blessings in the here & now? It seems so obvious if you step back and look at it, but yet it’s so easy to get caught up in the wishing and planning and get carried away by the things that we want to occupy our future. What about this home and this piece of land that God has given us to be stewards of while we’re here? What about this child running around already; watching us, learning from us and growing to be the man God wants him to be? What about these vehicles He’s provided, each one I have both prayed over and cursed at different times in their time with our family!? How about this job that my husband works, which keeps him away from us at times, busy at times, home for long stretches at times, but that God uses to provide for all our needs all the time?

Life will never never never ever be “perfect” by my flesh’s standards. We’ll probably never drive BMW’s, live in a big custom stone home with granite countertops and hardwood floors. We’ll never hit the lottery and be able to lead a life of leisure. We’ll probably never have the perfect yard, perfect children or a huge savings account (or checking account, for that matter!). I may never get to go back to college and land my dream job. We’ll never be able to keep up with the Jones’. But who are the Jones’ anyway?

It’s hard to admit, but my focus in life is consistently all wrong. I’m trying to learn to shift my eyes to God and His will for my life and my family’s lives. Not only do I waste so much of the present being so focused on the future, but the material, earthly things that I desire for my family are meaningless when you shed the light of the Lamb on it all. So, tomorrow’s a new day and I have a goal: Be the woman, the wife, the mother that God commands me to be, for the rest of my life. Starting now. That doesn’t sound hard now, does it?